Saturday, April 5, 2008

Meh...

Life is frustrating right now. I have nothing to complain about, I just feel really meh... Namely, I'm finding it really hard to write a senior thesis, and I am sooooooo tired of waiting to hear from Fulbright. Checking the mailbox everyday is getting to be agonizing. I just want to know. I'm also mildly afraid of finding out but having the answer not be what I want it to be, but I still just want to know. My nerves can't take it much longer. And if I don't get it, I want as much time as possible to figure out what else to do.

I got in to NYU grad school (Masters in Education - dual certification for teaching English to speakers of other languages and foreign language education) and I could do that, in theory. But I haven't applied for any scholarships yet, so I don't know how affordable that's going to be. And I haven't really looked anywhere else yet. I don't want to just settle on a grad school because I got in there and didn't apply to anywhere else. Sigh.

Why does waiting suck so much???

And then there's the thesis. I love my topic but for some reason the actual WRITING part is just not happening. I can't get going. Ughhhh.

On the happier side of things, I got to hear the lovely Laura Kaczor sing at Penn this week - Laura is a 2004 Penn (and CCC and Full Measure) alum who lives in Nashville now and is starting up a music career. I'm really in to this one song:

Communion Song


I imagine the day was gray, the sun won't shine on days like this
I imagine the crowd was large, their shouts were loud as they raised their fists
On the day that the Son of God carried the cross to Golgotha
On the day that the Son of God gave His life for the likes of us

I can hear the hammer of the nails that pierced His hands and feet
And sometimes I forget that my sin drove those nails in deep
I can see the thief that hung on the cross that stood right by His side
I can hear when Jesus said, "Today you'll join me in paradise,

"Here is My Body, broken for you
Here is My Blood that was shed, shed for you too
Here is My Body, take and remember Me
Here is My Blood, the Cup of Forgiveness that will set you free"

I can see the soldier standing by the tomb that resurrection morn
But I cannot imagine the blinding glory of our risen Lord
He is not here, oh no, He is risen just as He said
Now go and spread the news of Jesus Christ who conquered death

"Here is My Body, broken for you
Here is My Blood that was shed, shed for you too
Here is My Body, take and remember Me
Here is My Blood, the Cup of Forgiveness that will set you free"

When I break the bread and drink the cup at the table of the Lord
I'm reminded of love's sacrifice, where the broken are restored, are restored

"Here is My Body, broken for you
Here is My Blood that was shed, shed for you too
Here is My Body, take and remember Me
Here is My Blood, the Cup of Forgiveness that will set you free"

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Try again

I think maybe I need to start blogging again. This could be good.

But it's late. Another night. :)

Monday, January 7, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I don't know about y'all (yes, I've been in Tennessee for a few weeks now) but I am sooooooo excited about 2008!

My resolutions:
1. I ask God to make me a woman of prayer. I commit to spending one hour each day in communion with Him.
2. I ask God to free me from my battles with money. I desire to understand and know with confidence how He wants me to use the money He puts at my disposal and be 100% obedient to His command.
3. I ask God to teach me to exercise self-control in my thoughts.
4. I ask God for boldness to speak up in 2008. I ask Him to speak His very own words from my mouth. I ask Him to help me draw boundaries and learn to say "no" when it is necessary.
5. I also commit to one hour per week of corporate prayer for God's mercy to fall on Penn's campus and the Philadelphia community as long as I am still living there.

What are you asking God for this year?

Friday, December 7, 2007

Almost Christmas

Well, somehow November turned into December, and there are about 10 days left before I head home for Christmas, and... wow! Time has really flown by.

Life is pretty stressful right now with the semester ending - all those papers I put off till now, all those other papers I just now got to write, and a couple finals to study (i.e. catch up on the reading!) for... It's a lot. But somehow - at least so far - it's not been that bad. I really feel that God is helping me learn to tackle work ONE STEP AT A TIME. Stück für Stück! And that is very encouraging. I'm also experiencing the cool realization of how much I've actually learned. When you don't have quizzes or tests every week, it's easy to lose track of what you've learned and spend a semester thinking you've just read some stuff and shown up for class but haven't actually gotten anything out of it. The trick is just to pack all that acquired knowledge into my essays, or into my *BRAIN* for finals!

Since it's the end of the year, I'm thinking back to the new year's resolutions I made a year ago. Some of them have actually come true! Like, laugh if you want, but I finally quit biting my finger nails! I was hesitant to bother asking God for little stuff too, but my pastor encouraged to entrust Him with anything and everything, and He pulled through! For those who don't know, I've been trying to quit biting my nails basically my whole life. I've quit now for longer than I've ever quit before - about 6 months! I also asked God to help me learn to manage my time better, and while I've by no means mastered this, I definitely see improvement!

I probably should get back to work now. :) Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

How the heck did it get to be November?!? and Culture Shock-ish-ness: Part Two

Whoa, so time is going by fast, and occasionally I fear that it's leaving me behind... Doesn't it realize I'm really not very athletic and can't run that fast? Or more importantly, that I can't run fast for long?

So despite life feeling like a marathon at times, I'm good. Life is good. A little weird, a little confusing, and sometimes a bit complicated, but good.

I have an insane amount of stuff to report on, but I'm gonna try to stick to the highlights. Let's start with New Orleans! That was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on. There were 8 of us who went, and it was such a fun, awesome group of people, and you get really tight when you spend 5 days straight with 8 people. There were so many laughs and good times and amazing conversations... wow. Not to mention experiencing post-Katrina New Orleans. It was extremely interesting to see how the city is rebuilding itself. It's tough to hear that a lot of people don't really want to move back - many people who never had the means to leave New Orleans before have now landed elsewhere and seen that they could live better there - but those that do have so much courage. Talking to the homeowners was amazing because despite all that they've been through, they still stand strong, and they're rebuilding their homes and picking themselves up again. One of the homeowners showed us pictures before and after the hurricane, and I tried to imagine that happening to my house, but I can't. And these people have realized that all the material possessions in this world don't really amount to much - you can have them taken away completely and still be happy. A lot of people are just so thankful to still have their loved ones safe and sound that everything else doesn't matter so much.

So that was New Orleans! The weekend after that, Mom came to visit me, which was of course super fun. We didn't really do a whole whole lot, just hung out together and had some nice meals. :) And we saw a cool new movie called Across the Universe. It's a movie about the 60's, and it's actually a musical of sorts, but all the music is by the Beatles. Verrrrry interesting, I definitely recommend it.

Other than those two fun weekends, there hasn't been a whole lot to report on that's out of the ordinary - school, more school... I do have a choir concert coming up, and I'm excited about that. The music is really coming together and some of it is just really amazing. Actually it's all pretty amazing, but I especially like certain pieces.

I guess most of what's been going on is in my head. The "reverse culture shock" has turned into something completely different and unlike what I expected; in fact it no longer has much to do with the Germany-America comparison. It's like being somewhere else for a year somehow became a catalyst for all sorts of "reactions" - new thoughts and feelings that kinda showed up out of the blue. Basically - I am becoming extremely sensitive to the social injustices of this world. I gotta admit, right now it's kind of frustrating, because I'm becoming more and more aware of the problems, but solutions seem so far out of reach. But I really feel convicted to do something about it.

I guess it's always seemed a little strange to me to live on an Ivy League campus surrounded by very low-income families and more homeless people than I'd ever met in my life prior to coming to Penn. It challenges me more and more each day to constantly ask myself what the ultimate goal of my studies is. What good is an Ivy League education if I can't feed someone who's starving nextdoor? What good are my aspirations if they do not help others to be able to have aspirations at all?

God is really penetrating every aspect of my life with this. I can't shop without a conscience any more - I have to think about who made that shirt and the conditions under which they did it. I can't have a cup of coffee without wondering if the farmer who grew it was paid fairly for it. And I can't walk past Wawa anymore without looking to see if someone is sitting outside in need of a meal.

I honestly have no explanation for it other than God Himself. Trust me, I would never come up with this. I like coffee! And although I'm a lame shopper, I like clothes too! And talking to homeless people can be awkward. But now that my eyes have been opened to injustices, I can't walk past them, buy them, wear them... Something isn't right. And I really feel like I cannot profess to be a Christian and ignore Jesus' teaching on social justice.

I got a couple cool books from Amazon that I'm excited to read and hopefully get some ideas from. One is called Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger by Ronald J. Sider. The other is called God's Politics by Jim Wallis. That one was mentioned in another book I've now read for the second time that has been a major catalyst for all of these thoughts: The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claibourne. In it, he challenges a lot of the assumptions Christians in America make everyday that are not necessarily biblical, things like the idea that being a Christian means voting Republican, and that tithes and offerings are meant for the church, not for the church to give away to the poor. I highly recommend the book - even to those who may not call themselves Christians. For one thing, it makes a suggestion for what Christianity is really supposed to look like; for another, it gives us a vision for a better world.

So obviously this isn't the usual type of blog I write, so I hope it didn't throw anyone for too much of a loop. I guess I just felt I had to share what's been on my mind, since it's been on my mind a lot. I do not write this to judge others; for one, I myself am as guilty of perpetuating many injustices in this world as anyone else, plus I also didn't come up with this stuff on my own - God put it on my heart, and if He wants to, He will put it on the hearts of others too. I don't know what will ultimately come out of all this, but I can't help but think it will not be small or short-term.

And that's my update on life! Till next time...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Picture update

Chicago pics:

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by stina20072008

New Orleans pics (full update coming soon!):

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by stina20072008

Monday, October 8, 2007

The Windy City and my weekend-traveling marathon

Howdy folks!

I admit, I have been a lame-O blogger lately, but here's an attempt at catching up.

Last weekend (as in Sept. 28-Oct. 1) I went to Chicago and it was pretty awesome. Here's the play-by-play:

Friday afternoon: Arrived in Chi-town and was greeted at the airport by my super cool bro. He took me to his place via subway, chatting the whole way there about his classes, particularly his "sight-screaming" (sight-singing) class which he had a test in that day, and just being his usual funny and entertaining self. He took me to his absolutely absurd dorm - guys, this is like luxury housing, I'm not even kidding, I think his kitchen and living area is the size of my entire dorm - and we chilled for a bit. Then we went out for Chicago-style stuffed pizza and Edwardo's, which was close by, and after a bit of deliberation we paid for it with Mom and Dad's credit card, since we figured if they were there, they would pay for it... (great reasoning, yes?) After that he showed me around downtown a bit - we saw his favorite jazz record store, which is incredible and clearly heaven-on-earth for jazz fans, visited a couple random bookstores, and walked up and down Michigan Avenue a bit on the Magnificent Mile. Didn't do any shopping, just walked around and saw the big water tower. After that we came home to, of course, watch a movie, since my brother now owns like a thousand movies. We watched The Terminal with Tom Hanks, which was really really good, and also watched Copying Beethoven but I fell asleep during that one.

Saturday - Woke up early-ish to meet up with Timo - my pastor from Berlin - to hang out with him for the day. Timo and Manu came to the States for their undergraduate degrees and studied at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, so the church in Berlin has lots of partner churches in the Chicago area (and also in Minnesota, where they did an internship), and thus he came to the U.S. for about 10 days to visit those churches and reconnect with some people. And I was lucky to be one of those people! We went down to Navy Pier, hoping to find a place to eat breakfast, but we were out of luck on that, so we just ate some chocolate in the car on the way out to the 'burbs to visit friends of his from Moody who had invited us for lunch. After hanging out there for awhile, we decided we wanted to visit Willow Creek Community Church - a rather famous mega-church also in the 'burbs - to hear Bill Hybels - a pastor and pretty well-known Christian author - preach. We had a couple hours to kill though, so on the way we stopped at Kohl's because Timo accidentally left his dress shoes in Berlin and didn't really want to preach in his tennis shoes. Then we headed to the church and got there early enough to look around a bit and chat with a friendly lady in the "welcome center". Visiting Willow Creek was a very interesting experience. I honestly don't know if I could ever go to a place like that - it's soooooooooooooooo big and sooooooooooooooooo nice - but it's also really cool how much influence the church has had and how many people they've been able to reach. Also, when you have that many people in your church, you can build up tons of ministries and have jillions of pastors. I think there's probably a pastor for every age-group - kids, junior high, senior high, college, young singles, married couples, seniors... Yeah. The service was interesting; some things we liked about it, some things we weren't crazy about. The sermon was pretty good though, and I thought Bill Hybels was a great speaker. We were pretty hungry after that, so we went to eat at the famous Ed Debevic's, a 50's-style diner where the servers are comically rude. It sounds weird, but it's really quite entertaining. We enjoyed ourselves. And then it was time to head home and hit the hay. Back at Jim's place I kinda just chilled before passing out on his couch.

Sunday - Up early again for church with Timo. First we visited the church he went to while he studied at Moody, then we jetted out to another church nearby where he had been asked to preach. He interviewed me in his sermon too, which was cool. Afterwards we were invited to lunch and met some cool people. Then he drove me back into the city, with a stop at the museum campus to enjoy the beautiful view of the city and the lake. From Jim's place I then dashed off to the U. of Chicago campus to visit my friend Elizabeth who was in Berlin with me, and I hung out with her for a few hours and had dinner with her and her boyfriend. Then I went back to Jim's to hang with him a bit more, and again passed out pretty early. My flight was first thing Monday morning.

All in all, it was an awesome weekend, but it went by way too fast! It was really great and very encouraging to see and spend time with Timo - I got the full update on everything happening at the church in Berlin, which is really exciting, and had time to just talk and hang out with a great mentor. The biggest disappointment of the weekend was not getting to hang out with my brother as much as I would've liked, but I'm hoping I'll get to do that again soon; he's gonna be in Chicago for 4 more years at least.

Other than the big trip, life has been good but crazy. School is so much work, and some of it is more exciting than the rest... I had my Fulbright interview today and that went well - keep your fingers crossed for me! This past weekend was the Campus Crusade retreat, which was good, and then this coming weekend I am going to New Orleans with Crusade people. I am excited but also a bit nervous about that.

That's pretty much it... Heh that was a lot, actually. Love to all!